


She Gives Me the Stars [DVD Commentary Edition]

by windfallswest



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: DVD Commentary, Episode: s02e05 Amok Time, M/M, Meta, Pon Farr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-25 09:35:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16194845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/windfallswest/pseuds/windfallswest
Summary: DVD commentary, requested byspeccygeekgrrlon the PF meme.





	She Gives Me the Stars [DVD Commentary Edition]

**Author's Note:**

  * For [speccygeekgrrl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/speccygeekgrrl/gifts).
  * Inspired by [She Gives Me the Stars](https://archiveofourown.org/works/330298) by [windfallswest](https://archiveofourown.org/users/windfallswest/pseuds/windfallswest). 



> DVD commentary requested by [speccygeekgrrl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/speccygeekgrrl)! I have always wanted to do one of these, so yey :D:D 

**This is actually one of those one-shots that just kind of dropped into my brain around the 408th time I watched Amok Time. From the timestamps, it looks like this came together in about two weeks including beta, which given my tendency to eight-year WIPs is amazingly fast.**

**For a real look into my brain/process, here is the into I wrote for my beta and some of our back-and-forth (also throwing in some of her comments throughout, just for kicks; I'm bold, she's underlined).**

**Pon Farr fic! Pretty PWP, but I must whine again about how much more difficult it is to describe the actions of two bodies with one mind while not being either repetitious OR boring.** I believe this can be said of writing you know ANY smut. How many different ways can you describe tab a + slot b and not sound repetitive/get bored, I ask you! **_Blah, blah, I know; but I'm talking about, like, sentence structure, not variations in the deed. IT WAS HARD, ALL RIGHT?_ I suppose I could have gone for overly-literal lolzy, à la Pratchett, but I didn't.** like when I start writing TOS stuff or get bunnies, I always think teehee lolz, but then I get hit with a truckload of OTP and angst and I bow to it **_I just sort of embraced the mood of the series, i.e. taking it seriously and letting the lolz fall as they may._ I'm working off mostly my impressions from TOS and Voyager, although I did dig out the Pon Farr sequences in Peter David's New Frontier books. The idea of a Pon Farr 'hangover' or leftovers or whatever makes sense to me: after all that, he is probably still pretty hyped up and of course the hormones won't just vanish into the ether. **

**Voyager establishes that if a Vulcan tries to/forms a link with a non-Vulcan in the initial stages of Pon Farr, the non-Vulcan will also behave as though affected. Of course, in Voyager the guy loses it and goes for the half-Klingon lady, who solves the problem by beating the crap out of him. Also, she starts going after some other guy and not the Vulcan.** FASCINATING.  **_Shut up, you know you like it._** __

_**Er, I accidentally switched tenses about a third of the way through, so you might want to keep an eye out for inappropriate incidences of the past tense. Whups?** I feel you man **_aww yeah you do ___**_____

___**Also, I feel like the mood shifts partway through the sex and you should tell me if it's too jarring or what have you.** MMKAY. Also lol I do that a lot_ _ _

___ _

___Never and always touching and touched._ _ _

___There has always been that place in his mind that is T'Pring, that is not-him. The bond is an ancient use of the mind-meld which had (quite illogically, except by the logic of necessity) eluded the ban. **If you're not familiar with Enterprise, one of the things they did was develop Vulcan culture a little more and give it some ups and downs. One of the things that they introduced was the idea that mind-melds were a banned practice. However, they don't explore how this would affect natural/reflexive telepathic connexions, like during Pon Farr. Also, I can't see how else you'd create the pre-Pon Farr betrothal bond.** Speaking the words, so long known, is disorienting. Amid so much disorientation, he barely notices that something feels wrong. At once wrong and right when T'Pring claims the kal-if-ee. _ _ _

___Afterwards, he meditates, still feeling off-balance. There is an element in this which he has yet to isolate. The surge of emotion he experienced upon seeing Jim alive was quite arresting, but upon further reflexion, his feelings upon Jim's apparent death are even more revealing. He has, it seems, become quite attached to the Captain. **Trying to write without overt emotion/emotional language is an interesting exercise, btw.** _ _ _

___His meditations are quite predictably interrupted only three hours in. Objectively, this much restraint is quite remarkable; but in the moment, Spock's first thought is that he would much prefer another day or three of solitary contemplation._ _ _

___In his heightened state, he can smell Jim's pheromones before the chime sounds. Pheromones, not just his scent. Had he been aware of that before? Or had it simply never been present before? It is logical for a discussion of sexual matters to elicit a degree of sexual arousal. It might also be an unconscious reaction to Spock's own pheromones or Jim's near brush with death. There is no reason to assume the situation is in any way personal. Nope nope nope nothing slashy to see here move along!  **Denial knows no inter-species boundaries.**_ _ _

___"Spock? May I come in?"_ _ _

___A breath. "Please do, Captain."_ _ _

___The door hisses open. Jim's step is more hesitant than his usual assertive stride. Spock continues to breathe carefully and does not turn._ _ _

___"I'm sorry, am I interrupting?"_ _ _

___"I am meditating. My mind has been most unsettled of late, and I am endeavouring to restore it to order," Spock replies, splitting the difference between a baldly honest _yes_ and abruptly not wanting to send his friend away._ _ _

___"Yes, well; that's what I wanted to talk to you about. To ask you how you're—if you're all right."_ _ _

___"I find myself much improved, Captain, thank you. I should be able to resume my duties in the morning. Please accept my apologies for any irregular behaviour I may have exhibited over the past few days. The disruption should be completely resolved in a day or two." **Also, not to get down on TAS, but I just love the way they _talked_ in TOS. Plus Leonard Nimoy's Spock was way more relaxed and most of the time I just want to give TAS Spock a sedative, tbh. **_ _ _

___"My god, Spock; there's no need for you to apologise. And Bones has informed me that you are to rest until we reach Altair VI. **Idk, what is protocol for Roman numerals in speech? I'm usually pretty insistent on writing out numbers instead of using digits no matter what, but Roman numerals don't seem as jarring?** At which time he expects you to finally present yourself for your physical before being permitted to resume you duties."_ _ _

___"The inauguration is an official ceremony of the highest importance. We will already be arriving late; it is crucial that the ship and crew 'put our best foot forward'. As first officer, it is my responsibility to oversee—"_ _ _

___"—absolutely nothing, Mister Spock." Jim, having finally caught Spock's eye, smiles. "We'll muddle along without you somehow." **I am constantly fascinated by how much more laid-back TOS Jim is, as well. In many ways, TAS seems like he's evolved from fanon!Kirk, the impression of him as a playboy cowboy that's evolved over the years. But from a Watsonian standpoint, there has to be a core of Kirkness that reacts in these radically different ways to the circumstances in the two different timelines.** _ _ _

___"It seems I am to have little choice in the matter."_ _ _

___Spock bows to the inevitable and rises, abandoning for now his attempts at mental tranquillity. Jim is hovering somewhat awkwardly, running his fingers over the frame of Spock's lute._ _ _

___"A fine instrument. It's a shame; we've been keeping you so busy, you've hardly had a chance to play at all lately." **I mad love the Uhura-Spock improv recital in Charlie X. Her voice is amazing, and just that playful dynamic. I would have loved to see more of day-to-day life outside of crises. The bantery bumpers in and out of episodes are some of my faves.**_ _ _

___"Indeed. I often find it most relaxing." Spock gives his unconscious mind a sharp kick when he realises it has set him drifting towards Jim, but by then it is too late._ _ _

___"Perhaps you'll be able to devote some time to it."_ _ _

___Spock clears his throat. "Unfortunately, I am not at the moment relaxed enough."_ _ _

___Jim glances away from the instrument, at which they both are staring with an almost illogical singularity. "Are you still experiencing any...difficulty, Spock? Bones assured me that you were out of danger, but if you're at all unwell—"_ _ _

___"No, Captain. I am quite recovered. I am merely experiencing a few lingering side-effects."_ _ _

___He now has Jim's undivided attention. **I revised Spock's mental 'the Captain' to 'Jim' partway through and when I sent it off to beta this line read, _He now had the Jim's undivided attention._** "Do you mean to say you...?" _ _ _

___"It is not so uncommon an occurrence," Spock tells the lute. "Usually, I have no trouble suppressing it."_ _ _

___"I...see." Jim pauses to consider his next words. Spock's attention sharpens; it is noteworthy, at the speed at which he usually thinks, that he should need to. **This is something I absorbed from TAS Kirk. Not that TOS Kirk is unintelligent, but TAS Kirk is more often explicitly portrayed as an erratic/secret genius in fic.** "You know, Spock, it's not always necessary to suppress everything. Starfleet _does_ allow one to have a personal life. And surely it's illogical to make one's life needlessly difficult, especially when sharing one's burdens and experiences can be so beneficial."_ _ _

___"If the state is so beneficial, why is it that you yourself have not embraced it?"_ _ _

___Jim grimaces, Spock sees because he has somehow turned to face him. "I try, Spock. I always say I'm married to the _Enterprise_. I give her my life, and she gives me the stars. But sometimes..." _ _ _

___"Yes, Captain?" Spock asks softly._ _ _

___"Well, isn't it the nature of all sentient life to seek understanding, to seek—partnership? It goes beyond simple biology; it's the nature of the soul."_ _ _

___Spock blinks. "Captain," he said, "are you propositioning, or proposing?"_ _ _

___For once, Jim is at a loss for words. His mouth flaps open and closed distractingly without emitting intelligible sound a few times before he manages, "I would never consider taking advantage of—"_ _ _

___Which is as far as he gets before Spock stops his mouth by the logically unambiguous means of placing his own atop it. It is of course a human gesture, but Spock nonetheless finds it to be quite satisfying in its results. All very logical, Spock, bravo **Totally unaffected.**_ _ _

___"I...see," Jim said after a while. "I, um."_ _ _

___"In either case," Spock does not of course take any enjoyment from having so completely the upper hand, "the answer is yes."_ _ _

___Jim blushes then. "Is there a ceremony?"_ _ _

___"A simple one, in seven years' time. Very similar to what you witnessed."_ _ _

___"I may want introduce you to an Earth one before that," Jim muses, his eyes bright with a thousand plans already. He is edging closer again._ _ _

___Half-preparing himself for the sensation of chapped lips, Spock is startled by the gentle, almost hesitant brush of fingers against his own._ _ _

___Jim's mind is like a scent in the air. Spock touches him back, chasing him, Jim's emotions like hounds but not wolves, yet still howling. **Actually, one of my things about Spock getting flak for being half-human is that human emotions are _actually less strong/violent than Vulcan emotions_. So if he _were_ to have less capacity for control (dubious in my mind, as he's apparently a famously strong telepath for a Vulcan), maybe he has commensurately less _need_ for control. **_ _ _

___There is a willingness here that was missing from his bond with T'Pring. Jim is eager, brilliant with apprehension and desire. Close. Alluringly close, with only the unnecessary boundary of flesh between them._ _ _

___"What's happening?" Kirk's lips brush his fingers._ _ _

___"This is the mind meld. Our thoughts, our very beings, will be joined."_ _ _

___"Forever?" Spock feels excitement pulsing with blood through Jim's veins._ _ _

___"The meld is a temporary bond, but it can go much deeper." Melding is **and here my beta and I broke for a discussion about proper tense/voice usage for exposition** not, in fact, a necessary part of the sexual act for Vulcans, especially with non-Vulcans, although telepathic connexion often occurs anyway between Vulcans during such prolonged contact. Spock is unsure why he feels the need now. Perhaps it is a lingering effect of the Pon Farr, quelled but not satisfied, that makes this particular form of joining seem so vital. _ _ _

___He strokes Jim's lips with one thumb, half mesmerised by the way they part. "I can bind us together. Link our minds." **I almost never write in present tense, so partway through I lapsed back into past tense and for a while I was editing verbs every time I did a re-read, the beta of this entire sequence had half the verbs highlighted.**_ _ _

___"And our hearts?" Jim teases, pressing his hand over Spock's, under his uniform tunic. It rests only a moment before venturing over stomach, ribs, back. "What do I do?"_ _ _

___"Open to me," Spock tells him, although it is hardly necessary. Jim is about as closed as a well-turned field, an image that does not come from Spock's mind._ _ _

____My mind to your mind_. Spock feels the merge like a puzzle clicking into place. _Mine_ comes the sensation he has been feeling from Jim; and, simultaneously, _yours_. _ _ _

___They thump against the wall, which is the nearest, most logical surface. Jim's dexterity sends bits of uniform showering down around their feet._ _ _

___Jim, down to his underwear, has his legs wrapped around Spock, still in his trousers, when a flash of insight escapes him with a puff of laughter._ _ _

___"Mister Spock, you're a virgin."_ _ _

___Verbal response is at this point redundant. Besides, Spock's mouth is busy._ _ _

___"We do still need lubricant."_ _ _

___The oil is on a shelf next to a small meditation lamp. The closest hand I see you being all mind meldy over there!  **observe my mad agent-skipping skills! I feel like I'm writing a collection of body-parts having sex, not, like, entire people.** reaches out for it as they pass, heading for the bed._ _ _

___When Jim pulls Spock down on top of him, he is naked. So is Spock. Together, they let Jim's legs fall open and admire the sight. The little flask is smooth, glass, cool. The oil that spills out over Spock's fingers smells at once alien and familiar. Nice meldyness. Ps Wilson is sleeping on me and has decided that my hand is a good pillow. He keeps making disgruntled noises when I type _ _ _

___Four hands yield to the impulse to touch, marvelling at the sensation of cool and hot skin under palms, of hot and cool palms over skin, of muscle and flesh and lips and the responsive nubs of nipples. Spock kisses one and Jim tastes the oil where his hands were._ _ _

___Two fingers slide into Jim's body. The intrusion burns deliciously, startling in its enjoyability. From below, there is the desire for _more_ ; and from above, that for satiation. It drives them further, faster. _ _ _

___A shout of pleasurepain escapes bitten lips in response to long fingers probing with internal knowledge of where to press, how far to spread. Spock is still biting and tasting, one hand in Jim's hair. Both of Jim's touch him lightly, tracing caresses up his neck and down his back that tantalise and breed wildness._ _ _

___At last, it is too much. Spock bites down and crooks his fingers, and Jim's hips buck upwards so his erection scrapes Spock's ribs._ _ _

___Spock bears down in turn, rutting on Jim's leg, but it isn't enough. Isn't right. He needs to be buried in this flesh that is also his flesh. As one, they pull back his hands, position legs, rub oil teasingly on Spock's sensitive cock._ _ _

___The first thrust is hard and deep. The second is perfect._ _ _

___It feels like the edge of orgasm then and there. There is more than just desire like the blood fever driving their bodies; there is a warmth of mind. In Spock's own mind as well as Jim's, that had gone unrecognised until their joining._ _ _

____Welcoming_. Jim welcomes his mind even as he welcomes the physical invasion of his cock, opening and giving back, guiding his body through the unfamiliar actions even as he guides his mind through the unfamiliar emotions. _Love_ , he knows because Jim knows. Undeniably, unmistakably, love._ _ _

___The press of intimacy and the meld and the echoes of pon farr **haha I should have capitalised that whups** blur perception until it is impossible to distinguish between thought and touch. Both grow more frenetic, and their fucking wilder. _ _ _

___It is a rough, raw sort of pleasure. They drum years of mutual frustration out into Jim's body, as though its vibrations might dissipate out through the bed and along the decks to the softly curving hull of the ship and finally out into the all-embracing tides of space. They claim each other now, wrapping their minds together even more tightly than their bodies; and the hard, merciless rhythm of Spock's cock drumming again and again into Jim held immobile by more than human strength echo the single, united thought of _mine, mine,_ mine._ _ _

___The force of their emotions is like carbon being fused in the heart of a sun, muscles tight like the pressure of gravity and increasingly irregular waves of pleasure like the build-up to a supernova. It does take both of Spock's hands to pin Kirk's over his head. With each thrust, it is harder to hold him down. It takes more concentration, and so each is slower and more powerful than the last._ _ _

___The moment of orgasm comes gradually, a thrust that sinks home and never stops. Their hands grip each other white-knuckled with almost enough pressure to break bone and loosen quite slowly, as if the release of tension were not to be believed._ _ _

___They lie together afterwards, unwilling to separate in either mind or body, although Jim is still technically on-duty. Neither wants to move out of the eye of the storm or break the oddly synchronised peace between them, like reflected images in a mirror. Most illogical._ _ _

___Soon, Jim will leave, but he will be back. And, in a way, he will always be there. **In general I land on the more-telepathy side of what exactly Vulcan marriage bonding involves, even though canon maybe tilts in the other direction.**_ _ _

___**Not a lot of moving parts in this one, just porn and schmoop. There was more blocking than plotting to figure out, and I had the voices down pretty well since this is what I was raised on.** _ _ _

___**Fun fact: This was re-published in the _Devotions_ 50th anniversary Kirk/Spock collection in 2016, along with a much sillier Shore Leave fic written for my beta as a birthday present. So I've earned my Published in a Zine fanfic writer badge, I guess. ** _ _ _


End file.
